I usually let Carson walk through the parking lot to the school but since it was so cold and snowy I just wanted to get in as quick as possible so I carried him. When we got to the front door he reached over and pressed the button to the intercom without me saying anything to him. It always makes me happy to see that he comprehends something, and him seeing me do it week after week has paid off.
We met Patty in the hallway and she already had her game ready to go. She was using the letter mats again and the mats were in the hallway by the front door and the numbers were up on the landing again. She told me that she had contemplated putting them on the larger set of stairs but she wants him to gain confidence before she does that. I signed us in and when I returned Patty introduced me to another woman who works as a therapist in the school on certain days. She and I had a small conversation while Patty continued working with Carson on the stairs. I really wanted to pay attention to how he was doing but it felt rude to just walk away. At one point I guess he felt as if I wasn't paying enough attention to him either so he brought me the number 4, which was enough to break the conversation. He is doing so much better week by week with the stairs. He is gaining strength and the motor skills to come down by himself just holding onto the railing. He didn't understand that he needed to switch hands with what he was carrying and was trying to hold onto his number and the railing at the same time. Still working on that one.
Down in the classroom I showed Patty a video that I had taken of him dancing in the kitchen. In the middle of the video he does a series of hops all by himself! I don't really think that he was even thinking about doing them it was just a fleeting moment. She was impressed both with him doing it and me catching it on video. To be honest it was completely by accident. I was just taping him because he was shaking his little butt all around the kitchen and it was funny and something I wanted Mike to see. I also told Jen about his exhibitionism now that he is able to unzip his jammies and escape to nakedness. (I can't tell you how many things in my house have been peed on in the last few days!) She of course was elated to hear he can work zippers now and having a young son herself completely cracked up when I told her about him stripping naked and hiding from me so I couldn't put clothes back on him.
For the class meeting he got to be the weather watcher again and chose cloudy, which was 100% correct. He was also able to put a hat on the weather panda. I asked Carson to show LaQuita 'hat' and he signed it. (Open hand with fingers together, palm down and pat your head).
LaQuita read "The Night Before the Night Before Christmas" to the boys and it was really funny. The mom has the flu and the dad is failing miserably at handling all the last minute stuff. Carson sat on his peanut and stayed connected with the book through the entire story. He only tried to get up once when the other little boy in the class was whining that he wanted to play.
Jen worked with Carson with this stuff that was like play dough but it wasn't. It was made by Handwriting Without Tears and it's letter dough. It's rubbery and has an interesting smell to it. It was hard for her to get him to even touch it. Once she started shaping them into letters he was interested, but still didn't want to mess with it. She rolled pieces into strips and was making him cut them. He got through about 2 of them before he started shivering every time it was cut. That is a normal sensory reaction for him. I'm honestly surprised he didn't puke on her. I warned her that he wasn't reacting well to it but she was a trooper and carried on anyway.
Patty was able to work with him on jumping but he wasn't really in the mood. It was weird because he is usually very vocal and today he was as quiet as a mouse. He was noodle-boy in Patty's arms and she had a hard time getting him to do anything. She even tried building a tower with the big cardboard blocks and letting him knock them down by throwing bean bag turtles at them. He just stood there and let her use hand-over-hand to make him throw them without even smiling like he normally would.
Carson and Patty throwing turtles. On the table is the letter dough.
When time was up and it was time to switch we went to the table LaQuita was at and again it was really hard to get him to do anything even with the app he was doing so great with last week. We tried and tried and you could just tell that something was off so we just decided to give him a break. He ran over to an alphabet puzzle on the floor and I was showing LaQuita the apps that he currently has on his iPad.
At some point Amber left the room and it was just LaQuita and I (and Carson but he was in alpha-world so that doesn't count) and we were discussing how smart he is, and I'm not just saying that as his mama either. Just this past week he began learning about places in the world and the ones he keeps showing me are Kilimanjaro, the Taj Mahal, and Neuschwanstein! Certainly not normal things for a 5 year old to be learning not only what they look like but how to spell them as well. I was telling her that one thing that I am concerned about with home school is that I really don't know where to start. He IS so smart but there are basic things that he doesn't know yet. If I were to send him to school there's the worry that he is going to be beyond bored, especially with being on an IEP where he isn't going to learn the same level of math, science etc as other children.
She could see where I was coming from but then I think I stuck my foot in my mouth. Amber was still out of the room and so I was telling LaQuita how Amber has really been campaigning for me to send Carson to school full-time but that at this point I really don't see a point in that. I was just curious if there was a way to find out what they need to know for kindergarten, 1st grade etc. She says "Oh, I don't know. But here's Amber. Just ask her..." I turn and see Amber coming through the door and she had a very pissed-off look on her face. I don't know if it had anything to do with me but I think it did. I think she was in the hall and heard what I was saying to LaQuita (which wasn't bad or anything about HER just that I thought it was pointless for Carson to go full-time.)
Amber then went on this passionate rant about how he needs socialization and that he would only be upset for a few weeks and then he would adjust to a new schedule. She was saying that she would be able to write an assessment for him for kindergarten that stated that he needs help getting in the building and to his class and is still in diapers etc etc and that would help him get a 1:1 aide without having to fight for it. She also told me that if we decided to send him to private school for kindergarten and he is still on an IEP from public school then he would be able to get that $20,000 scholarship to go. She just kept saying if you're going to try school then why not do it with people that you know and trust?? But then here's the kicker I ask her how she's able to handle so many kids with special needs in her class and she says there are 2 helpers in the room now but in January there will be a third. That and he would lose Jen and Patty but gain Amy back.
So while she may have had me at first, this last information really got me thinking. She's saying I know and trust these people but the only one in the room that I would know is her. I don't know any of the other aides (nor does Carson) and then he would have a new OT (which he has ALWAYS had Jen) and a new PT (he's had Patty for 2 years). I can't do it. I have really beaten myself up over this over the entire weekend. I have second-guessed myself and triple-guessed myself. I know that there are only 5 months of school left and then he's not going to have them anymore anyways but that's not the point. I even went as far as to look up the special education schools she was talking about. They're no where remotely close to us. It would take us at least an hour one way to get there every day and that's not convenient for us.
I am home schooling him. I know my son better than anyone else and while I know that I am trying to shelter him from things, but why not? I mean is that so bad? I'm not feeding him to the wolves just yet. I know that I'm probably over-reacting but it makes me feel better knowing that he is going to be safe and loved and protected. If something truly significant comes along and changes my mind then so be it. But for now I know what's best for my son.
Somewhere along this rant/conversation that Amber LaQuita and I had Carson fell asleep on my shoulder all bundled up in his coat. I carried him to the car and drove around with him for an hour while we waited for Baylee to get off the bus. After his nap he seemed to be back on his game. I hope that he was just tired and is not getting sick. Time will tell. Today was a snow day again because we got more snow last night so it was just another lazy day with the kids staying in their pajamas. But right now I'm off to bed. Back up in 6 hours to get Baylee ready for school. No more snow until the weekend (I hope). I'm already sick of winter and it's not even winter yet ;)
XX
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