Monday was another school day for Carson.
While I was getting him ready-changing his diaper etc- I told him that this was going to be another day with someone different in the room. I explained to him that Mrs. O from last year was going to be in the room to help with the other little boy in the room and if he was feeling afraid like he was last week all he needed to do was shake and we would understand what he was trying to communicate to us. I wasn't sure if he comprehended what I was saying to him but at least it made me feel a little better about everything after the disaster last week.
When we got to school and signed in Patty decided that it was time for Carson to try a bigger staircase. She had me climb to the top and call him to me. He had a huge smile on his face as he scrambled up to me. Poor Patty as she is trying to keep up with him as he is wobbling all over the place, missing steps etc. When he got to the top he hugged me tightly and didn't want to let go. I snuck away from him and went down the steps. Going down is definitely not as easy as going up (not that up is easy either) especially because Patty is determined to get him going up and down without holding onto anything. He is so unsteady just walking down the hallway. I'm not sure if I think that walking up and down steps with one foot on each step without holding onto the railing is worth the effort. That is not going to make or break him.
After the stairs we went into the music room and began with our waves at the beach song which Carson REFUSED to do. He started shaking like the week before and I honestly had to laugh because there was no one else in the room besides me Jen and Patty. I told him it was a nice try but we weren't buying it. After the song we struggled to get him to do any of the Yogarilla cards and basically gave up. Jen decided that since we didn't get any OT in last week we should focus on that for most of the time we had. She first had him cutting straws with a pair of scissors that are connected on the end with a strap so you can squeeze them like tongs. He cut a few times but quickly gave up. Jen then brought out a plastic container filled with sand that had little lizards and turtle balls (all plastic) buried in the sand. She first tried to get him to get them out with tongs but he seemed to be afraid of them. She then asked him to put his hand in and he seemed to be sensory-afraid of the sand.
He protested the entire time but I was finally able to get his hand down into the sand-which he quickly shook off. Jen then had the idea to stick his feet in the sand. We took his shoes and socks off and stood him up. Trying to get his feet in one at a time was impossible so I just picked him up and Jen grabbed his feet and I lowered him into the sand. Again it was only a matter of seconds before he decided that he had had enough. He pulled his legs up underneath him (I still had my hands under his armpits) and wouldn't straighten his legs out again. I had to set him on the carpet on his knees.
After the sand experiment Patty wanted him to do the obstacle course again. It is set up with different stations for different exercises. This week it was jumping off of a low step stool (which he can only do if two people are holding onto him), rocking on a board that is like a surfboard, kicking or throwing a ball, laying on a giant therapy ball and reaching down to pick up sea shells and then handing them to Patty and either being in or on a barrel and rolling. The only two that Carson truly likes to do are the two that involve him being inverted.
Patty doesn't like me involved with Carson's therapy. If he would allow it she would like it better if I wasn't even in the room BUT that being said I refuse to sit in the hall. I like to see what they are doing and implement it into our routine at home not to mention the fact that since Carson can't speak I need to know that he is safe. Usually I sit in a chair and watch. I try to stay out of their way and even try not to encourage him because that was a touchy issue last year too. I feel bad for Patty and Jen that Carson isn't into it yet this year. He was great on the first day but then it changed. I don't know if Amber being out for the past two sessions is making the difference but it's becoming more and more difficult to watch this implosion if you will.
After basically giving up on the obstacle course Carson came over to me and pulled the bucket of sand close to him. Jen just stood back to see what he would do. He squatted down and began to slowly pick through the sand with his fingers and pull out the turtle balls and the shells. One by one he placed them in Jen's hand. She originally asked for 3 but he didn't stop until he had them all out of the container. She was impressed with his concentration. When we started this endeavor he had no attention span. Zero. Now he can focus on a task (that he wants to do) for at least a couple minutes at a time.
I guess in the whole scheme of things it's not really going to matter to him if he can or can't cut with scissors or jump off of a step stool. I'm still trying to figure out how much it is really benefiting him for this therapy or if it's just so the 'system' feels like they are making a difference. I certainly don't want to hold him back or block him from reaching his potential but let's be honest, he doesn't have to conform to the standards of society to make his contribution to the world. I don't think anyone really cares that Stephen Hawking can't cut with scissors-it's his mind that makes him so intriguing. But I digress.
After PT/OT we went to Mrs. O's room for speech because Amber's room was getting new windows (yay!!) At first Carson didn't want to do much because he was interested in his new surroundings. We sat down and LaQuita read "Llama Llama Misses Mama" which happens to be a series that we read at home. We then played with homemade play-dough which smelled delicious! I later found out that the teacher who made it puts Kool-Aid in it to make it smell good. I swear it smelled good enough to eat. Carson had fun making (rough looking) letters and spelled his name and train! Afterwards Carson and I played with a train set on the floor with Mrs. O while LaQuita worked with the other little boy in the class. When it was time to switch we moved back to the table where LaQuita was sitting and took out his iPad. Her goal is for Carson to be able to recognize actions so that maybe it will help him with requesting things in the future.
Carson has been using the application Proloquo2go a lot recently and had figured out that if he uses the keyboard to spell a word he can then touch the word and the app will say the word for him. This has become extremely helpful at home because now he has a voice per-se. LaQuita pulled out 3 flash cards for him to look at and describe for her. One was people eating hotdogs. The idea was for him to write 'eating' but of course he wrote 'hotdogs'. The next two were smelling flowers - he got flowers - and a boy playing with a dog. This one he didn't do too bad - he wrote 'play' which I'll take any day of the week. She said we will try to do a few cards a week to see if it makes a difference for him.
Overall another varied week of school. Not sure if we are going to make it next week because a co-worker of mine may need to be out of the office for her daughter but if we are there I am hoping that we can get back on track with him and maybe he won't be so stubborn.
XX
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Monday, September 23, 2013
A 'Carson' Milestone
This past Friday Carson hit another "milestone". I had take him to Costco to get a few things with my mom and we had been walking around for probably about an hour or so. It's fun to go around lunchtime because then you can sample all of the food items they have at their little kiosks and basically get a free lunch. Once we checked out I needed to change Carson's diaper so I left my mom with our cart and headed to the restroom.
When we returned my mom had bought a couple of drinks for her and myself. I took a long refreshing drink while we waited in line for the man at the door to check our items in our cart so we could leave. Carson was reaching out for my cup because he was thirst too and without thinking I just handed him my cup. I watched him as he put the straw up to his lips and took a drink! Something he has never done before!
This may seem like a small feat but TRUST ME this is a huge deal for us. Because of the low muscle tone and his high palate Carson has always had trouble with sucking. We still used a sippy cup for him unless we were giving him a drink out of our own cup then he could tip it back and get a small drink. Since I had left Carson's cup in my car I was planning on taking the lid off of my cup and letting him get a drink that way.
I spun around quickly and asked my mom (with tears in my eyes of course) if she had seen what he had just done. She said no so I smiled and handed him my cup again. I thought her jaw was going to hit the floor when she saw him happily drinking Pepsi from my cup. She hugged him and told him how proud of him she was.
We went yesterday to Kroger and bought him some of the take-n-toss cups with lids and straws and since then that is all he has been using. I am so happy for him that this will make him feel a little more "normal" in the car and in restaurants. Anything to make it easier for my little guy.
XX
When we returned my mom had bought a couple of drinks for her and myself. I took a long refreshing drink while we waited in line for the man at the door to check our items in our cart so we could leave. Carson was reaching out for my cup because he was thirst too and without thinking I just handed him my cup. I watched him as he put the straw up to his lips and took a drink! Something he has never done before!
This may seem like a small feat but TRUST ME this is a huge deal for us. Because of the low muscle tone and his high palate Carson has always had trouble with sucking. We still used a sippy cup for him unless we were giving him a drink out of our own cup then he could tip it back and get a small drink. Since I had left Carson's cup in my car I was planning on taking the lid off of my cup and letting him get a drink that way.
I spun around quickly and asked my mom (with tears in my eyes of course) if she had seen what he had just done. She said no so I smiled and handed him my cup again. I thought her jaw was going to hit the floor when she saw him happily drinking Pepsi from my cup. She hugged him and told him how proud of him she was.
We went yesterday to Kroger and bought him some of the take-n-toss cups with lids and straws and since then that is all he has been using. I am so happy for him that this will make him feel a little more "normal" in the car and in restaurants. Anything to make it easier for my little guy.
XX
Thursday, September 19, 2013
School: Day 2
Monday was our second day of school for Carson. As before I left work early, got Carson from my mom's house, ran home to let the dogs out and give Carson a quick snack and then we were out the door to school. His physical therapist asked that we get there a few minutes early so he could work on stairs with her since the music room is only available for them to use for a short amount of time.
When we got to the school Carson was so happy because there was a giant scissor lift in front of the school putting in new windows. The work crew had the entire front entrance to the school cautioned off so luckily we met Patty in the parking lot and she was able to get us in a side door to the school otherwise I have no idea how we would've gotten in.
The first task was the stairs, which for some reason he couldn't seem to get. He was very clumsy and actually skipped a couple of steps on the ways up and down. He was leaning very far forward and I honestly thought he was going to fall on his face because when Patty is beside him on the stairs she uses what she refers to as "noodle arms" meaning she basically gives him no support unless he absolutely needs it.
We then moved into the music room. Carson is in a class with one other little boy who only receives speech therapy but because he has to be with the teacher the entire time he is always in the room with us but Amber usually plays with him while Carson is getting PT and OT. For some reason Amber was in training along with all of the other preschool teachers and she hadn't found someone ahead of time to be with the other little boy (who is a handful even with Amber) and Patty was very upset that she and Jen had been left with him since he wasn't receiving any PT/OT services. Jen went around and found an aide to come in to work with him so they could focus on Carson.
Meanwhile they continued with the same theme as the week before: THE BEACH. They started with the "Waves at the Beach" song. I went and found a chair in the corner and sat down. Carson was into it for a minute but then became very concerned with where I was in the room. He kept running to me and after I would assure him I wasn't leaving, I would push him back to Jen and Patty. After a while it became very apparent that Carson just wasn't going to have it this week. He started screaming and crying-stiffening up his body trying to get away from them. He was so upset that he actually grabbed Jen's face like he does mine when he tries to hurt me and then reached back and pulled Patty's hair and ripped it out of her ponytail. I was so embarrassed. I have never seen him act like that towards his therapists before. Patty turned off the lights and then came over to me while Jen took him (still screaming and crying) over to the opposite side of the room and started rocking him and talking softly to him.
I can't tell you how many times I apologized to Patty. I was so completely mortified. She asked me if he was feeling OK because she was concerned that she had never seen him behave this way. I told her he had been fine but that he didn't have a nap in the car on the way to my house from my mom's like he had the week before and wondered if that was the factor that was making him act the way he was.
Deciding that Carson was probably done for the day Jen decided to 'warm him down' once he stopped crying. They laid him on his stomach and took a big therapy ball and began to press it onto him to give him the deep pressure he relies on with his sensory issues to calm down. Being ever determined he began to crawl towards me from across the room even as they were pressing this ball against him. He finally made it to the edge of the carpet and then jumped up and ran to me. And of course me being the mean person that I can be told him that he needed to finish and started to carry him back to Jen, in the process, passing the little boy and the aide that were in the room too. As soon as I took one step in her direction Carson tensed up his entire body and began to shake while making a face that I have seen him do in the past when he is afraid of something. Only then did it dawn on me. He was afraid of the aide that was in the room! I felt like I was an inch tall. I mean really I deserved the mother of the year award for that one. How did I not see that one?
I took Carson back over to Jen and rocked him and quietly told him that I was so sorry that I didn't know he was afraid of the aide. He then shook his body again as if to tell me "duh, you idiot that's what this (insert shaking) means!" After that he seemed to snap out of it. We got him to play with a tennis ball and Velcro target and kick a ball a few times. By the time he was really happy again it was time to go to speech. I hung back with Carson in my arms and again apologized to Jen and Patty for him not only hurting them but wasting an entire session because of the way he acted. They both assured me that it wasn't wasted, if anything we learned something new about Carson that we would have to take into account from now on. Not only is it strange men that he's afraid of, it's women now too.
LaQuita came out into the hall and asked if Carson was coming to class and I headed down there. On the way in I mouthed to her that he was afraid of the aide and LaQuita told her she could handle the other little boy and that she could leave. We sat down on the floor for a story. It was a book about a little girl finding animals in different areas of a farm. She would first see the backside of the animal and then guess what the animal was. LaQuita had modified the book by adding Velcro spots where you could attach animal pictures. She placed the pictures of the animals that were in the book on the floor and began to read. When it came to the first animal('s butt) she asked Carson what animal he thought it would be. He grabbed the cat and stuck it on the book right where it went!! She took turns with the two boys getting them to pick the correct picture and put it in. I was so proud of Carson. He got all of his right and I've never done that sort of thing with him before.
After the story we went to the table and played a game where you could pull leaves on sticks out of a bee hive and bees would come down the hive and tree trunk and land in front of you. (The object is to get the most bees - I have this game at home but we play with sticks and marbles) She worked with the boys one at a time. She would hand Carson a card with a picture on it : Lawn mower. Then ask do you rake leaves (lay down pic of raking leaves) or mow the grass (lay down grass pic) with a lawn mover? He would place the card on which he thought was correct. Guess what?? You mow the lawn! She did this several times with him. Does an egg come from a cow or a chicken? chicken. What about milk? cow. What do you use to write on paper? pencil. All things most of us just know and honestly I never really thought about needing to explain to Carson. I just assumed he knew it or maybe didn't really have the concept and that's just how it was going to be? I don't know exactly. But I'm happy that he is getting, absorbing all of that information into that little sponge brain of his.
Overall it was such a mixed-bag. Great speech day but terrible PT/OT day. Next week Amber is out too and there is someone scheduled to be in class with us that Carson knows from last year. I am crossing my fingers that we don't have another freak-out. But if we do I guess we know what the problem is and how to fix it and that I think is the most important thing to Carson.
When we got to the school Carson was so happy because there was a giant scissor lift in front of the school putting in new windows. The work crew had the entire front entrance to the school cautioned off so luckily we met Patty in the parking lot and she was able to get us in a side door to the school otherwise I have no idea how we would've gotten in.
The first task was the stairs, which for some reason he couldn't seem to get. He was very clumsy and actually skipped a couple of steps on the ways up and down. He was leaning very far forward and I honestly thought he was going to fall on his face because when Patty is beside him on the stairs she uses what she refers to as "noodle arms" meaning she basically gives him no support unless he absolutely needs it.
We then moved into the music room. Carson is in a class with one other little boy who only receives speech therapy but because he has to be with the teacher the entire time he is always in the room with us but Amber usually plays with him while Carson is getting PT and OT. For some reason Amber was in training along with all of the other preschool teachers and she hadn't found someone ahead of time to be with the other little boy (who is a handful even with Amber) and Patty was very upset that she and Jen had been left with him since he wasn't receiving any PT/OT services. Jen went around and found an aide to come in to work with him so they could focus on Carson.
Meanwhile they continued with the same theme as the week before: THE BEACH. They started with the "Waves at the Beach" song. I went and found a chair in the corner and sat down. Carson was into it for a minute but then became very concerned with where I was in the room. He kept running to me and after I would assure him I wasn't leaving, I would push him back to Jen and Patty. After a while it became very apparent that Carson just wasn't going to have it this week. He started screaming and crying-stiffening up his body trying to get away from them. He was so upset that he actually grabbed Jen's face like he does mine when he tries to hurt me and then reached back and pulled Patty's hair and ripped it out of her ponytail. I was so embarrassed. I have never seen him act like that towards his therapists before. Patty turned off the lights and then came over to me while Jen took him (still screaming and crying) over to the opposite side of the room and started rocking him and talking softly to him.
I can't tell you how many times I apologized to Patty. I was so completely mortified. She asked me if he was feeling OK because she was concerned that she had never seen him behave this way. I told her he had been fine but that he didn't have a nap in the car on the way to my house from my mom's like he had the week before and wondered if that was the factor that was making him act the way he was.
Deciding that Carson was probably done for the day Jen decided to 'warm him down' once he stopped crying. They laid him on his stomach and took a big therapy ball and began to press it onto him to give him the deep pressure he relies on with his sensory issues to calm down. Being ever determined he began to crawl towards me from across the room even as they were pressing this ball against him. He finally made it to the edge of the carpet and then jumped up and ran to me. And of course me being the mean person that I can be told him that he needed to finish and started to carry him back to Jen, in the process, passing the little boy and the aide that were in the room too. As soon as I took one step in her direction Carson tensed up his entire body and began to shake while making a face that I have seen him do in the past when he is afraid of something. Only then did it dawn on me. He was afraid of the aide that was in the room! I felt like I was an inch tall. I mean really I deserved the mother of the year award for that one. How did I not see that one?
I took Carson back over to Jen and rocked him and quietly told him that I was so sorry that I didn't know he was afraid of the aide. He then shook his body again as if to tell me "duh, you idiot that's what this (insert shaking) means!" After that he seemed to snap out of it. We got him to play with a tennis ball and Velcro target and kick a ball a few times. By the time he was really happy again it was time to go to speech. I hung back with Carson in my arms and again apologized to Jen and Patty for him not only hurting them but wasting an entire session because of the way he acted. They both assured me that it wasn't wasted, if anything we learned something new about Carson that we would have to take into account from now on. Not only is it strange men that he's afraid of, it's women now too.
LaQuita came out into the hall and asked if Carson was coming to class and I headed down there. On the way in I mouthed to her that he was afraid of the aide and LaQuita told her she could handle the other little boy and that she could leave. We sat down on the floor for a story. It was a book about a little girl finding animals in different areas of a farm. She would first see the backside of the animal and then guess what the animal was. LaQuita had modified the book by adding Velcro spots where you could attach animal pictures. She placed the pictures of the animals that were in the book on the floor and began to read. When it came to the first animal('s butt) she asked Carson what animal he thought it would be. He grabbed the cat and stuck it on the book right where it went!! She took turns with the two boys getting them to pick the correct picture and put it in. I was so proud of Carson. He got all of his right and I've never done that sort of thing with him before.
After the story we went to the table and played a game where you could pull leaves on sticks out of a bee hive and bees would come down the hive and tree trunk and land in front of you. (The object is to get the most bees - I have this game at home but we play with sticks and marbles) She worked with the boys one at a time. She would hand Carson a card with a picture on it : Lawn mower. Then ask do you rake leaves (lay down pic of raking leaves) or mow the grass (lay down grass pic) with a lawn mover? He would place the card on which he thought was correct. Guess what?? You mow the lawn! She did this several times with him. Does an egg come from a cow or a chicken? chicken. What about milk? cow. What do you use to write on paper? pencil. All things most of us just know and honestly I never really thought about needing to explain to Carson. I just assumed he knew it or maybe didn't really have the concept and that's just how it was going to be? I don't know exactly. But I'm happy that he is getting, absorbing all of that information into that little sponge brain of his.
Overall it was such a mixed-bag. Great speech day but terrible PT/OT day. Next week Amber is out too and there is someone scheduled to be in class with us that Carson knows from last year. I am crossing my fingers that we don't have another freak-out. But if we do I guess we know what the problem is and how to fix it and that I think is the most important thing to Carson.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Perfect Picture
If a picture is worth a thousand words then I think the first one to describe what I did today would be: FRUSTRATION.
Every year at school Baylee gets fall pictures and every year they are horrible. I don't know what it is about this time of year but when they do the spring pictures at school they are always so much better. Either her hair is messed up by the time they get around to her class or she smiles like she is in pain from practicing so much.
So this year (this morning to be exact) I decided to have my own little photo shoot with Baylee and Carson to kind of off-set the eminent bad picture from picture day - which happens to be this Tuesday.
Baylee and I got up early and got her ready. Lucky for us living in the country has it's rewards in the way of beautiful landscapes so we drove up the street, jumped out of the car and started snapping shot after shot of really cute pictures.. all with my iPad!
We returned home and ate breakfast before getting Carson ready and heading out again with him in his wagon to get a couple pictures of him and Baylee together and then him by himself. What a nightmare. As soon as I found a great place for both of them I told Baylee where I was going to take the shot and she stood in place. I got Carson out of the wagon and stood him next to her. I took a few steps back to grab the camera and by the time I was ready he was sitting playing in the grass. I had to sing 'Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes' just to get him to look up at me. I think I may have gotten one pic where he is looking at me.
Getting frustrated with myself, him and Baylee (why I have no idea) I decided to pack it up and head back to our yard where we have train tracks and lots of wild vegetation that is very pretty this time of year. We got a few decent pictures by the tracks - which aren't used anymore I should add. We then moved down to our yard.
I don't know why I thought being in our yard vs someplace else would make a difference because it didn't. If anything I think it made it worse. Knowing where he was seemed to make him more apt to trying to flee the scene (pardon the pun). He dropped to his knees and then was flat on his back. Poor Baylee was trying her hardest to hold onto him so he couldn't escape but he proved too strong and broke her grip. He then happily crawled through the grass towards our house.
By then I was done. I got picture after amazing picture of Baylee and not one of Carson by himself. The few I got of the two of them together were great but I was hoping that I would be able to get at least one of him by himself. Maybe I'll be able to get that one next time..
Every year at school Baylee gets fall pictures and every year they are horrible. I don't know what it is about this time of year but when they do the spring pictures at school they are always so much better. Either her hair is messed up by the time they get around to her class or she smiles like she is in pain from practicing so much.
So this year (this morning to be exact) I decided to have my own little photo shoot with Baylee and Carson to kind of off-set the eminent bad picture from picture day - which happens to be this Tuesday.
Baylee and I got up early and got her ready. Lucky for us living in the country has it's rewards in the way of beautiful landscapes so we drove up the street, jumped out of the car and started snapping shot after shot of really cute pictures.. all with my iPad!
We returned home and ate breakfast before getting Carson ready and heading out again with him in his wagon to get a couple pictures of him and Baylee together and then him by himself. What a nightmare. As soon as I found a great place for both of them I told Baylee where I was going to take the shot and she stood in place. I got Carson out of the wagon and stood him next to her. I took a few steps back to grab the camera and by the time I was ready he was sitting playing in the grass. I had to sing 'Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes' just to get him to look up at me. I think I may have gotten one pic where he is looking at me.
Getting frustrated with myself, him and Baylee (why I have no idea) I decided to pack it up and head back to our yard where we have train tracks and lots of wild vegetation that is very pretty this time of year. We got a few decent pictures by the tracks - which aren't used anymore I should add. We then moved down to our yard.
I don't know why I thought being in our yard vs someplace else would make a difference because it didn't. If anything I think it made it worse. Knowing where he was seemed to make him more apt to trying to flee the scene (pardon the pun). He dropped to his knees and then was flat on his back. Poor Baylee was trying her hardest to hold onto him so he couldn't escape but he proved too strong and broke her grip. He then happily crawled through the grass towards our house.
By then I was done. I got picture after amazing picture of Baylee and not one of Carson by himself. The few I got of the two of them together were great but I was hoping that I would be able to get at least one of him by himself. Maybe I'll be able to get that one next time..
Baylee being a great big sister helping me with Carson today.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
First Day of School
I'm happy to report that Carson's first day back to school Monday wasn't nearly the disaster I was thinking it would be. I worked until noon and then left to get him from my mom's house. We quickly stopped by our house to let the dogs out and change our clothes. I don't think he really understood why I was getting him so early especially with his sister MIA but when I mentioned to him it was time to go to school he jumped up from his puzzle and ran to me.
It only took about 5 minutes to drive to the school and Carson was practically smiling the entire drive there. When I got to the front door I pressed the button to buzz into the school and there was his physical therapist Patty waiting for us. She had him show her how he was doing climbing stairs reciprocally (one foot on each step)-which he did well but he still isn't that great going down. We live in a ranch house so stairs really aren't much of an issue for us.
After the stairs we went into the music room (which is converted to a therapy room just for Carson). It was a beach theme this week and the song they sang (with motions) was to the tune of 'The Wheels on the Bus" but it was waves in the ocean, clams on the beach, lobsters on the beach etc. After that it was time for Yogarilla. Something that I actually like to do with him at home too. It is yoga but done with flash cards of a gorilla doing them. He had to do boat, surfer, clam and crab. All of this mind you is done with either myself and the therapists or just the therapists practically MAKING him do these motions and yoga poses. He cannot do them on his own. About the only yoga pose he can do on his own is downward facing dog and that's only because he loves to be upside down.
After Yogarilla it was his occupational therapist Jen's turn to work with him. For the past two years it has been a struggle for Carson to hold a writing utensil properly and actually use it. The only things they have been trying to get him to do is write straight lines vertically and horizontally and draw a circle. (the beginnings of being able to write) So Jen sets out a board that is rough (the 'sand' texture element for our beach theme) and hands Carson a crayon to write on paper over this bumpy table. She writes a line up and down. He mimics her. She then draws a line horizontally next to her vertical one. He takes the liberty of crossing his vertical line to make a 't'. She celebrates the T. He then frantically writes 'rain' after the t. TRAIN. Jen looks at me in wonder. I smile smugly and say you're welcome. Leaps and bounds. That's really all I can say. This summer he has grown mentally and physically leaps and bounds. Last year we had to hold him in a chair. Yesterday he sat willingly for MOST of the time we were there.
PT/OT was finished with an obstacle course and a song. We cleaned up the room for the music teacher and headed down to the preschool room with his teacher Amber and met up with his new speech therapist, Laquita. What can I say? Amber was right. She really is like Amy. Friendly, super bubbly personality. I really like her so far. She accidentally kept calling Carson 'Cameron'. He had out his iPad and on letter at a time wrote C-A-R-S-O-N. She thought it was amazing. She asked him if he knew his last name. He wrote G-R-E-A-T. So now he's referred to as Carson the Great at school. She read him a book and then basically let him show off on his iPad to warm him up to her. I don't think he ever made eye contact with her but with Carson you have to gain his trust.
Amy stopped by for a few minutes. It was great to see her. She seemed truly upset that she wasn't teaching him this year. Another teacher who knew him stopped in as well and was telling Laquita that she felt like Carson was teaching her last year-not the other way around. That made me feel good. I looked at Amy and told her that I guess it was time for Carson to teach someone else and that's why she wasn't with him this year. She promised me that she would be around and wouldn't be out of our lives.
These women love Carson and he loves them. I am learning through this process that Carson is a very unique child with a very unique diagnosis. No two of these children are alike but they all seem to touch the people around them and that is more special than their diagnoses. Here's to hoping that the rest of the year just gets better :)
It only took about 5 minutes to drive to the school and Carson was practically smiling the entire drive there. When I got to the front door I pressed the button to buzz into the school and there was his physical therapist Patty waiting for us. She had him show her how he was doing climbing stairs reciprocally (one foot on each step)-which he did well but he still isn't that great going down. We live in a ranch house so stairs really aren't much of an issue for us.
After the stairs we went into the music room (which is converted to a therapy room just for Carson). It was a beach theme this week and the song they sang (with motions) was to the tune of 'The Wheels on the Bus" but it was waves in the ocean, clams on the beach, lobsters on the beach etc. After that it was time for Yogarilla. Something that I actually like to do with him at home too. It is yoga but done with flash cards of a gorilla doing them. He had to do boat, surfer, clam and crab. All of this mind you is done with either myself and the therapists or just the therapists practically MAKING him do these motions and yoga poses. He cannot do them on his own. About the only yoga pose he can do on his own is downward facing dog and that's only because he loves to be upside down.
After Yogarilla it was his occupational therapist Jen's turn to work with him. For the past two years it has been a struggle for Carson to hold a writing utensil properly and actually use it. The only things they have been trying to get him to do is write straight lines vertically and horizontally and draw a circle. (the beginnings of being able to write) So Jen sets out a board that is rough (the 'sand' texture element for our beach theme) and hands Carson a crayon to write on paper over this bumpy table. She writes a line up and down. He mimics her. She then draws a line horizontally next to her vertical one. He takes the liberty of crossing his vertical line to make a 't'. She celebrates the T. He then frantically writes 'rain' after the t. TRAIN. Jen looks at me in wonder. I smile smugly and say you're welcome. Leaps and bounds. That's really all I can say. This summer he has grown mentally and physically leaps and bounds. Last year we had to hold him in a chair. Yesterday he sat willingly for MOST of the time we were there.
PT/OT was finished with an obstacle course and a song. We cleaned up the room for the music teacher and headed down to the preschool room with his teacher Amber and met up with his new speech therapist, Laquita. What can I say? Amber was right. She really is like Amy. Friendly, super bubbly personality. I really like her so far. She accidentally kept calling Carson 'Cameron'. He had out his iPad and on letter at a time wrote C-A-R-S-O-N. She thought it was amazing. She asked him if he knew his last name. He wrote G-R-E-A-T. So now he's referred to as Carson the Great at school. She read him a book and then basically let him show off on his iPad to warm him up to her. I don't think he ever made eye contact with her but with Carson you have to gain his trust.
Amy stopped by for a few minutes. It was great to see her. She seemed truly upset that she wasn't teaching him this year. Another teacher who knew him stopped in as well and was telling Laquita that she felt like Carson was teaching her last year-not the other way around. That made me feel good. I looked at Amy and told her that I guess it was time for Carson to teach someone else and that's why she wasn't with him this year. She promised me that she would be around and wouldn't be out of our lives.
These women love Carson and he loves them. I am learning through this process that Carson is a very unique child with a very unique diagnosis. No two of these children are alike but they all seem to touch the people around them and that is more special than their diagnoses. Here's to hoping that the rest of the year just gets better :)
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Bunny Love
Yesterday I got up at 6:45 am, had Baylee up at 7, got her ready for school and the 3 of us were out the door by 7:40 to drive her up to the bus stop. Living in the country, we have to drive about 2 miles to get there. We tried to walk it one day-it wasn't the best idea I've ever had- it took us 45 minutes to get there and she almost missed the bus. Then, of course, I had to walk home. So I figured out very quickly that it was a whole lot easier to just drive. Carson slept for the 15 minutes it took to get her there, onto the bus and then home. As I was getting him out of the car he woke up. I carried him into the house and put him in my bed hoping he'd fall back to sleep and I could have a little time to straighten up the house. Instead as I was covering him up he reached up and pulled my head down bedside his on the pillow. His way of telling me to chill for a bit? Not really sure but it didn't matter. The housework could wait. I gladly laid down beside him and cuddled with him for about 45 minutes. It was wonderful. I hope that when I'm home full time I have that opportunity every morning to hang out with my little man and bond.
As I was cleaning up the house I noticed him go to the fridge and get the lettuce out of the drawer and walk off. This of course peaked my interest considering he has been known to be a bit of a kleptomaniac and a hoarder when it comes to certain items. I quietly followed him through the house and into his sister's room. He went to her Dutch rabbit Oreo's cage and placed the entire head of lettuce on top. He then dropped some lettuce - not much, maybe the size of a quarter - onto Oreo's head through the cracks in the bars. I was so happy and shocked at the same time. He will sometimes feed me popcorn or a potato chip but I have never seen him feed an animal before.
He sat in her room for most of the day keeping Oreo company. He played her his favorite song on his iPad that he usually plays for the vacuum cleaner (whom we refer to as his best friend). He sat beside her and laughed and 'talked' to her. He even took his lunch in there and sat beside her while basking in the sunlight streaming through Baylee's window.
It was such a good feeling to see him so happy and loving towards another creature. He has always been loving towards certain people in his life but seeing him recognize that there are other beings in this world who need love and food etc. is just a testament to the fact that he is growing and evolving.
As I was cleaning up the house I noticed him go to the fridge and get the lettuce out of the drawer and walk off. This of course peaked my interest considering he has been known to be a bit of a kleptomaniac and a hoarder when it comes to certain items. I quietly followed him through the house and into his sister's room. He went to her Dutch rabbit Oreo's cage and placed the entire head of lettuce on top. He then dropped some lettuce - not much, maybe the size of a quarter - onto Oreo's head through the cracks in the bars. I was so happy and shocked at the same time. He will sometimes feed me popcorn or a potato chip but I have never seen him feed an animal before.
He sat in her room for most of the day keeping Oreo company. He played her his favorite song on his iPad that he usually plays for the vacuum cleaner (whom we refer to as his best friend). He sat beside her and laughed and 'talked' to her. He even took his lunch in there and sat beside her while basking in the sunlight streaming through Baylee's window.
It was such a good feeling to see him so happy and loving towards another creature. He has always been loving towards certain people in his life but seeing him recognize that there are other beings in this world who need love and food etc. is just a testament to the fact that he is growing and evolving.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
A Sleepless Night
Today is one of those days where I feel like I am completely coming unglued.
Last night Carson basically refused to go to bed. He isn't like his sister where I tell her it's time for bed go brush your teeth and she does it. Most nights I will either rock him to sleep in my arms or will lie down with him in his bed (he has a full-sized bed just for this) and pretend to fall asleep and then he will follow. For whatever reason last night it was almost as if he were on crack. He was all over the place, jumping and flipping, kicking me in the head and pinching me when I would try to hold him down-thinking if I could just get him to sit still long enough he would pass out.
It finally got to the point where he kept pinching me and I flat out told him that if he pinched me again I was going to leave the room and he would have to go to bed himself. Of course it wasn't even a minute later and he pinched me in the neck again. I got out of bed, told him good-night and left the room. I stood just on the other side of the door and held it shut thinking he would try it once and then go away from the door. That wasn't exactly what happened...
He started crying almost immediately after I got out of bed and followed me to the door. He pulled on it once, then again and then started screaming as if he was being mauled by a bear. In a matter of seconds I heard him at his bedroom window tearing at the blinds and by the time I was able to open his door and adjust my eyes to the low light of his night light I saw him all the way on the other side of the room tripping over his toys and ending up in a heap on the floor at the foot of his bed bawling his eyes out.
I felt about an inch big. What the hell was I thinking? I ran to him and scooped him up into my arms. Of course, I had NO IDEA that that was the reaction I was going to get out of him but it still made me feel like the worst parent on earth in that moment. Exhausted and trying not to cry myself I carried him back to bed and sternly told him that while I was sorry for leaving the room it was time for him to go to sleep and not hurt me again. He crawled over to his side of the bed and waited for me to climb back into bed. Once I was settled he snuggled up beside me and quickly fell asleep.
I have no idea what caused him to act so crazy instead of going to sleep. Maybe he wasn't tired? I really have no clue. I still feel guilty because I was the one so obsessed with going to sleep because I knew I had to get up early to get his sister ready for school and after that incident I couldn't go to sleep because I was (and am) feeling so guilty so what was the point?
Tonight I'm going to let him wear himself out and see how long it takes for him to pass out. Getting up at 7am isn't so bad even if it is 2 am when you finally get to sleep. I would rather that than feel like a horrible parent for most of the night and all of the next day. There are bigger battles I would rather save my strength for :)
Last night Carson basically refused to go to bed. He isn't like his sister where I tell her it's time for bed go brush your teeth and she does it. Most nights I will either rock him to sleep in my arms or will lie down with him in his bed (he has a full-sized bed just for this) and pretend to fall asleep and then he will follow. For whatever reason last night it was almost as if he were on crack. He was all over the place, jumping and flipping, kicking me in the head and pinching me when I would try to hold him down-thinking if I could just get him to sit still long enough he would pass out.
It finally got to the point where he kept pinching me and I flat out told him that if he pinched me again I was going to leave the room and he would have to go to bed himself. Of course it wasn't even a minute later and he pinched me in the neck again. I got out of bed, told him good-night and left the room. I stood just on the other side of the door and held it shut thinking he would try it once and then go away from the door. That wasn't exactly what happened...
He started crying almost immediately after I got out of bed and followed me to the door. He pulled on it once, then again and then started screaming as if he was being mauled by a bear. In a matter of seconds I heard him at his bedroom window tearing at the blinds and by the time I was able to open his door and adjust my eyes to the low light of his night light I saw him all the way on the other side of the room tripping over his toys and ending up in a heap on the floor at the foot of his bed bawling his eyes out.
I felt about an inch big. What the hell was I thinking? I ran to him and scooped him up into my arms. Of course, I had NO IDEA that that was the reaction I was going to get out of him but it still made me feel like the worst parent on earth in that moment. Exhausted and trying not to cry myself I carried him back to bed and sternly told him that while I was sorry for leaving the room it was time for him to go to sleep and not hurt me again. He crawled over to his side of the bed and waited for me to climb back into bed. Once I was settled he snuggled up beside me and quickly fell asleep.
I have no idea what caused him to act so crazy instead of going to sleep. Maybe he wasn't tired? I really have no clue. I still feel guilty because I was the one so obsessed with going to sleep because I knew I had to get up early to get his sister ready for school and after that incident I couldn't go to sleep because I was (and am) feeling so guilty so what was the point?
Tonight I'm going to let him wear himself out and see how long it takes for him to pass out. Getting up at 7am isn't so bad even if it is 2 am when you finally get to sleep. I would rather that than feel like a horrible parent for most of the night and all of the next day. There are bigger battles I would rather save my strength for :)
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Pinching and Scratching
I'm heading off to bed tonight with several new gouges out of my neck and face. I was given these by Carson who has for some reason decided that it is hilarious to hurt me. I can't say what is going through his mind when he gets the urge to pinch or bite or scratch me but he seems to get some enjoyment out of it. I have to be honest, I have told him 'no' with a strong voice-with no reaction from him whatsoever. I have smacked his hands. He smiles. Literally. I have pinched him back. He now winces and waits for me to do it back to him-which I don't because I know it won't do me any good. If I pretend to cry he laughs. I honestly don't think he understands what he is doing. I am the only person that he will do this to. He has tried with his dad but when he simply said to him in a very stern voice, 'you can't hurt me', he never tried again.
So I am the lucky recipient to his torture. There is no warning. You don't have to piss him off in order for him to do it. You could be sitting watching a movie with him and all of a sudden he will just reach out and rake his nails down your arm. Sometimes I'm lucky in that he doesn't get a good grip on my skin and will just get white scratch marks. Other times like tonight I can actually hear my skin popping under his fingernails and be left with huge bloody gouges in my skin. He used to only do it to my arms but now his new favorite place is my neck. Either in the very back ( he will usually get me here when I am carrying him or if I am leaning over him to change his diaper or clothes) or in the very front under my chin.
I have gone for months embarrassed at the sight of my arms. Now they are mostly scars but for the longest time I had open wounds or scabs all up and down them. I sometimes got the feeling that people perceived me as a heroin addict because my arms looked so awful. But if people were able to see me long enough they would see Carson pinching me or scratching me and put two and two together.
A patient of mine the other day saw my Band-Aids on my arm and asked if my boss (who is a dermatologist) had gotten a hold of me. I just laughed and said no. He asked why my arm was all bandaged up and when I told him my little guy had done it to me he asked if I had gotten him back. I said no again and he was astonished. He told me that if his son had ever treated him like that he wouldn't have an ass to sit on. All I could do was smile. Sometimes it's not worth the effort to explain it all.
My best friend today suggested that I start looking into group homes for him for when he is older because the "nice ones" have waiting lists. I was so taken back by that. Even with everything he has done to me I have never once thought about a group home. Don't get me wrong you have to do what you have to do but the only way I would ever allow him to be in a group home is if his entire family were dead. Even then I'm not so sure about that. But at the same time she does have a point. What happens when he is bigger and stronger than I am? He's already strong enough to pull me through the house to show me what he wants and he is up to my chest with his height already at the age of 4.
It's almost 1 am and the only thing that I know for certain at this moment is that my neck is on fire and I'm exhausted. Time to go to bed and get some rest before he wakes up in a few hours and it all starts again...
So I am the lucky recipient to his torture. There is no warning. You don't have to piss him off in order for him to do it. You could be sitting watching a movie with him and all of a sudden he will just reach out and rake his nails down your arm. Sometimes I'm lucky in that he doesn't get a good grip on my skin and will just get white scratch marks. Other times like tonight I can actually hear my skin popping under his fingernails and be left with huge bloody gouges in my skin. He used to only do it to my arms but now his new favorite place is my neck. Either in the very back ( he will usually get me here when I am carrying him or if I am leaning over him to change his diaper or clothes) or in the very front under my chin.
I have gone for months embarrassed at the sight of my arms. Now they are mostly scars but for the longest time I had open wounds or scabs all up and down them. I sometimes got the feeling that people perceived me as a heroin addict because my arms looked so awful. But if people were able to see me long enough they would see Carson pinching me or scratching me and put two and two together.
A patient of mine the other day saw my Band-Aids on my arm and asked if my boss (who is a dermatologist) had gotten a hold of me. I just laughed and said no. He asked why my arm was all bandaged up and when I told him my little guy had done it to me he asked if I had gotten him back. I said no again and he was astonished. He told me that if his son had ever treated him like that he wouldn't have an ass to sit on. All I could do was smile. Sometimes it's not worth the effort to explain it all.
My best friend today suggested that I start looking into group homes for him for when he is older because the "nice ones" have waiting lists. I was so taken back by that. Even with everything he has done to me I have never once thought about a group home. Don't get me wrong you have to do what you have to do but the only way I would ever allow him to be in a group home is if his entire family were dead. Even then I'm not so sure about that. But at the same time she does have a point. What happens when he is bigger and stronger than I am? He's already strong enough to pull me through the house to show me what he wants and he is up to my chest with his height already at the age of 4.
It's almost 1 am and the only thing that I know for certain at this moment is that my neck is on fire and I'm exhausted. Time to go to bed and get some rest before he wakes up in a few hours and it all starts again...
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